Hey Jesus, Can My Daily Bread Be Sourdough Please?
Reclaiming faith in a way that's digestible.
The idea to write about my experience with Christianity came randomly, and I first wrote about it in my Notes app. These are just my raw, honest reflections about my personal journey. And of course, in true food girl fashion, I couldn’t resist tying it all together with a little foodie analogy.
Anyways, the dough is ready, let’s take a seat at the table.
Preheating to 450 Degrees
Christianity has felt so different for me these days. Similar to the day I went from only eating honey whole wheat bread to strictly sourdough, before it was popularized by the vegans.
It no longer felt like a Sunday morning where you’re forced to wake up early, sit in a building full of strangers who never felt like family, sing a few songs out of habit, and half listen to the Pastor while fighting sleep. Like a game of telephone, receiving a message passed down through five or so voices, distorted and distant, never quite grasping the original truth.
But now, it feels like divine protection and favor. A blissful aura that kisses your heart, a safety net coming directly from God. A sanctuary I can go to in both hard and happy times.
For years, I’ve been begging to have a conversation with God without the ‘noise of centuries of interpretation’ and judgment for wanting to ‘worship’ in a way that felt safe to me. “It’s a relationship,” my Grandma always said, but as we all know, all of my relationships have failed. So, how am I supposed to have a “relationship with God,” an entity so vast and intimidating when I’ve danced with hearts made of glass and each one shattered in the end?
The Initial Rise & Shaping
It essentially came down to choosing to see God in everything. Simple as that. Reclaiming this part of my life was like reviving a neglected sourdough starter. Feeling lifeless at first, but with feeding and patience, the wild yeast came back to life. Once I had acknowledge God again and the relationship I wanted to build, I felt myself rising, shaping into a different soul. Eventually, what once seemed dead became the heart of something warm, sustaining, and alive again.
My faith became a slow, daily process that is messy most of the time, but full of grace. Grace changed how I wanted to live. I saw people differently! Realizing that losing sleep over mistakes or ill intentions geared towards me was meaningless. We’re all human at the end of the day, and we’re all here learning.
The Second Rise & Scoring
That honeymoon phase only lasted a few months. With disappointment, lay-offs, and the shattering of rose-colored lenses as the veil of romance lifted, I found myself drifting, numb to everything unfolding around me. I kept rising, moving forward, even if I couldn’t feel the sharp edges of life carving into me, shaping me for what’s next.
As I write this, I’m starting to realize: maybe that numbness was God’s way of preparing me for this moment, for now. Faith, even without knowing how things will turn out was another skill I needed to build. God is the Universe, and the Universe doesn’t have a budget. It’s limitless. So, I had to learn that trusting what you place your soul onto, is holding you and preparing you for something greater. Just have faith.
Through that lens, I’m learning to surrender and enjoy the flow of life. To accept what comes, to release what leaves. Because all things end. But they also begin…again and again…whether beautiful or brutal, while God stays constant.
The Final Bake
Scored and baked at a blistering 450 degrees, we’re left with a warm, perfectly crusty sourdough that’s nourishing, digestible, and real. And yet, there’s still so much I’m learning.
The world can’t give you peace or joy. Most of it feels like chasing the wind. I’m not entirely sure if everything is truly meaningless…or maybe I just haven’t grasped Ecclesiastes the way I’m meant to.
What I do know is this: God is in everything, and it’s okay to enjoy life as everything has a season. The more I’ve come back to that truth, the easier it’s become to genuinely find beauty in everything. Loving people feels less like a task and more like a response. Of course, discernment is essential, and I don’t always listen, but that’s part of the process. There’s a lesson in everything and again I’m still learning.
So…if it’s cool with Jesus, I’ll stick with the sourdough for now. Because the other bread kinda hurts my stomach.
Thank you for sitting at my table today. Let’s get the check, I mean Cheque Please!
